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  1. Default Jokes of the day

    A blonde goes horse back riding. It starts out slow, but then it starts to gallop.
    The blonde is enjoying herself. All of a sudden she slips off and her foot gets caught in the reins.
    The horse doesn't stop and the blonde is still being dragged upside down.
    She doesn't know what to do. Finally the Wal-Mart manager comes and unplugs it.

  2. #2

    Default

    Cannibals capture three men. The men are told that they will be skinned and eaten and then their skin will be used to make canoes. Then they are each given a final request. The first man asks to be killed
    as quickly and painlessly as possible. His request is granted, and they poison him. The second man asks for paper and a pen so that he can write a farewell letter to his family. This request is granted,
    and after he writes his letter, they kill him saving his skin for their canoes. Now it is the third man's turn. He asks for a fork. The cannibals are confused, but it is his final request, so they give
    him a fork. As soon as he has the fork he begins stabbing himself all over and shouts, "To hell with your canoes!"

  3. Default

    Doctor: sorry , reports got mixed up.
    We don't know if your wife has AIDS or Asthma!
    husband: What should i do now?
    Doctor - Send her 4 jogging,
    if she returns, don't sleep with her!

  4. #4

    Default

    A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine..."

  5. Default

    A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

    "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

  6. Default

    Only three doors An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

    The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

    The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

  7. #7

  8. Default

    Finding The Car

    A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

    The manager comes out ofthe bar and stops the guy.

    'What the heck are you doing ?' he asks the drunk.

    'I'm looking for my car, and I can't find it.' he replies.

    'So how does feeling the roof help you ?' asks the puzzled manager.

    'Well,' replies the drunk earnestly, 'MY car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!'.


  9. #9

    Default

    A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name."

  10. Default

    A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

    Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

    "Yup, shore am!"

    "How much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

    The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

    The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

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