joke

[Alstonlee]

Two old ladies have played bridge together for many years, and naturally they have gotten to know each other pretty well. One day, during a game of cards, one lady suddenly looks up at the other and says, "I realize we've known each other for many years, but for the life of me, I just can't bring it to mind... would you please tell me your name again, dear?" There is dead silence for a couple of minutes, then the other lady responds, "How soon do you need to know?"

[Amherst]

Two elderly gentlemen were having coffee in the resort hotel the morning after their double wedding to their respective elderly wives.

Jim said, with concern, "I'll have to see a doctor when I get home, I couldn't consummate my marriage last night."

"Well, really," says Bob. "I better see a therapist then - I didn't even think of it!"

[davidluiz]

A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.
First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them out and curses as he goes by. Finally in the last lane a truck swerves and barely misses them.
After they reach the far corner the blind man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cookie and offers it to the guide dog.
At this point another person who has watched the entire episode interrupts asking why he was rewarding the dog after the dog had endangered his life and almost got him run over by a car, bicycle and truck.
The blind man responded: "I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find out which end is his head so I can kick him in the ass."

[MichleJohn]

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to
give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

[SunilJeans]

a class teacher of primary; one day brought a camera along with her to have some group photos of the children. One student asked "Mam why did you brought that camera?"the teacher exclaimed "to have our some group photos, so that, and when you people grown up these photos will make you to recall your childhood, and you will show it to your friends or relatives that see this is Martin he is now a Lawyer and this is Rick he is a doctor now and this is Maria and she is a Journalist now”, certainly a voice came forward from the back and "this is our class teacher she is dead now."

[rama]

Husband; "I've found this great job. Good salary, free health and accident insurance, paid holidays and coffee breaks"
Wife ; "That's wonderful, dear!"
Husband : "I knew you'd be pleased. You start on Monday."

Ouch! LoL!

[CheckMate06]

hahaha... nice joke , the wife is the one who have no job. hahahahah nice joke

[MichleJohn]

• In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
• In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens.
• In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

[AddySon]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

[CheckMate06]

Nice Joke Everyone

[RobertZakari]

Newly wed couple

this newly wed couple were on their honey moon and where about to have sex:

wife: before we do this i have something to tell u.

husband: we're married now, u can tell me anything.

wife: I'm flat chested.

husband: i don't believe u..prove it.

So she takes off her shirt.

husband: holy *** i never seen a smaller chest, but i have something i have to tell u too.

wife: we're married now u can tell me anything.

husband: im "weighed like a baby".

wife: i don't believe you, prove it.

So he takes off his pants.

wife: i thought u said u were weighed like a baby?!

husband: i am 6lbs 7ounces!

[ABIRAM]

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp.

After rubbing the lamp to make the genie appear, he said, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you."

The first said, "I wish I were smarter."

So, she became a redhead.

The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than she is."

She became a brunette.

The third blond ordered, "I wish I were smarter than both of them!"

So, she became a man.

[MichleJohn]

If I was an artist, you would be my picture! If I was a poet, you would be my inspiration! If I was an author you would be my story! But I’m only a cartoonist!

[YeoMan]

A guy walked out to get his mail in the morning. He turns around and there is a gorilla. So he runs back inside, opens the yellow pages, finds the only gorilla exterminator in town, and calls him. The exterminator arrives in a little truck towing a cage. The exterminator has a ladder, a gun, and a dog.

The guy says, "How are you going to get the gorilla off my roof?"
"I am going to put the ladder up against the side of the house, get up there, wrestle the gorilla, and toss him off the side of the house. When the gorilla hits the ground, the dog is trained to grab the gorilla by his balls and drag him into the cage."

"What is the gun for then?"

"If the gorilla throws me off the roof first, shoot the dog before I hit the ground!"

[AldRich]

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
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