Husband's dentures

[thirdisa]

So a lady goes into a dentists office, gets on a chair and spreads her legs far apart.

The doctor is shocked to see this so he says: "Excuse me, miss, you must have the wrong place, this is a dentist's office."

The lady answers back: "Well, didn't you put my husband's dentures in last week?" the lady says.

The doctor nodded.

"Well," the lady said, "now you have to get them out."

[SunilSamuel]

There was this lady who was sexually frustrated and had tried to get her husband sexually stimulated but nothing seemed to work. She tried sexy lingerie, toys etc etc but had no luck.
So one day she asked her friend what she should do... "It's really annoying me now! He's just not up for it. He's always out down the pub with the lads. What can I do?"
Her friend suggested, "Well, if he's always out with the lads why don't you give him an extra tenner so he enjoys himself even more and then he'll come home and thank you appropriately..."
So the woman tried this and this is what happened on his return:
Man: Take Your clothes off!
Woman thinks: Whoa! This is working!
Man: Stand on your head!
Woman: Ooohh Kinky!!!
Man: Spread your legs apart!
Woman thinks: This has really worked, give it to me!
The man then gets a small mirror and places it in-between her legs.
Woman thinks: This is a new one!
Man says: You know... the lads were right, I would look good with a beard!

[Montgomery]

Jill and John got married. John thought this would be a "marriage of the 90's" -- equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, he brought Jill breakfast in bed. Jill wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "Poached? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, John brought his true love a scrambled egg. Jill wasn't having any of it. "Do you think I don't like variety? I wanted poached this morning!"

[SunilSamuel]

A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"

[KevinTodd]

One day a parrot walked up to the counter inside a convenience store. The parrot said to the clerk "Got any grapes?" "No" replied the store clerk. The parrot smiled and walked out the door. A little while later the parrot returned and asked "Got any grapes?" The clerk replied "No! I already told you 15 minutes ago, i don't have any grapes!"
The parrot smiled and once again walked out of the store. Ten minutes later, the parrot returned and asked once again "Got any grapes?" The irate clerk yelled "No! We didn't have any, we don't have any and we're not going to have any! If you come back in here again, i'm going to nail your feet to the floor!" The parrot smiled and walked out the door. Later that day the parrot returned and asked "Got any nails?" The clerk said "NO!". The parrot replied "Good. Got any grapes?"